Experiencing empathy is a struggle when engaging people whose belief systems differ from yours. But have you ever witnessed a lack of empathy from individuals who share your beliefs yet have a different experience?

Their messages are similar to a song from Mary, Mary.

I luh God.
You don't luh God?
What's wrong with you?

But it sounds more like . . .

I luh _____. 
You don't luh _____?
Something's wrong with YOU! You should embrace _____ because MY experience was amazing. And that is what counts.

While we all would like to believe we are the resident experts on all things people or stuff. The reality is when we dismiss the lived experiences of others, we intensify the harm that was previously caused. Asking about the lived experiences of others is the first step in moving the needle toward empathy and understanding.

As I write this it struck me that we often devalue 'communicating for understanding' to protect our personal positive experiences. Our experience of good feelings makes it important to hold on to the sacredness of anything bringing them into our lives. We fight for it. But why? Do we fear the invalidation of our truth by hearing the truths of others? Do we want to stand firm on the rightness of our own experiences with disregard for the wrongness of others' experiences? Are we unwilling to recognize the existence of both good and bad or positive and negative from the same source?

Author Heather McGhee says empathy does not have a zero-sum where we lose something because we validate the experiences of others. We all gain something. The opportunity to create positive change or build bridges for instance. But how many of us are willing to risk the loss of that momentary experience for something more beautiful, better, and lasting for everyone? That would be the second step.

Scripture says wisdom is the principle (most fundamental) thing to be sought. But when seeking wisdom we must also pursue understanding because doing so creates honor and reverence for the beauty within us. Our words and deeds towards others, especially the wounded, become a thing of beauty.

Walk in beauty and wisdom.

Signed,
The Angry Blk Wmn